แสดงบทความที่มีป้ายกำกับ FamilyVision แสดงบทความทั้งหมด
แสดงบทความที่มีป้ายกำกับ FamilyVision แสดงบทความทั้งหมด

วันอาทิตย์ที่ 8 สิงหาคม พ.ศ. 2553

Parenting: How to Set Standards, Even for Bad Kids - FamilyVision Column

His parents gives little Dante everything he wants. Dante is only five years old. He calls his parents by their first name. When he shouts little profane words at his friends, his parents only smile at his behavior. Little Dante is out of control. His teachers can't control him, his classmates dislike him, and his parents fear him. In a grocery store, Dante's mother tells him to stop. Dante hits her with his fist. A senior citizen looks on in amazement. Dante's mother says, "I don't know what to do. He's not a controllable kid. What should I do?" The senior smiles at her politely as Dante's steps on his mother foot.

Wild World of Parenting

How do you gain control if you have "wild kids?" What does it take to become an effective parent? Do you have the bad kids and don't know what to do? Parents must again parent if America is to regain our children. The Columbine and Heritage school shootings have proven that extreme violence can happen anywhere. This is scary situation to any sane person. A killer could be the child next door or in your own home. According to one study, many of these violent children did not come from abusive, neglectful parents. Some kids live their lives as if there are no consequences for their actions. Some parents place no expectations on their children. This is the ingredient for an accident waiting to happen. The child sees the world as a great big opportunity for fun---the world revolves around his wishes. NOT! This does happen, however. For example, a 15 year-old named Kip from Oregon, who was accused of fatally shooting his parents and two high school classmates, had a history of problems. His parents were public school teachers with two children, living in a forested subdivision home. Kip was a hot-tempered boy with a ###### for bombs, guns, and killing. His parents tried to control his inner demons with Ritalin and Prozac, and counseling. His gun-hating parents finally gave in and brought their son a semiautomatic rifle. It was a heavy price to pay for their son's acceptance.

Parenting Expectation

Who's making the rules in your family? Today's parents need to set the expectations for their children. According to recent research, children of professionals today are less likely than similar children 25 years ago to reach as high on the economic ladder as their parents. Society really doesn't expect much from this generation. I am constantly reminded of the little regard some children have for authority. Just look around your neighborhood and school. What has gone wrong? Our generation has abandoned the traditions of our parents in an effort to be different. We trusted our hearts and listened to the family experts. How does this lack of respect begin? It starts out quite innocently. A parent smiles at a little profanity from their toddler. Isn't that cute! Most people want to transfer blame---the media, uncaring parents, peer pressure, violent children, or the lack of strong gun laws. The media teaches our children that they can have it all without any sacrifice. To say that our children can escape this mad propaganda is not true. However, we must teach the children.

Parenting Solution

Finally, parents must set the standards. We can't expect our children to act morally if their examples are immoral, hateful, and unforgiving adults. Parenting is a hands-on full-time duty. Parents from the past were uncompromising in their determination in expecting a lot out of their children. Growing up in my Cedar Grove community in Louisiana, I found God an important part of my family. Parenting is a very difficult task. Is it realistic to believe you can become your child's best friend and parent also? Doesn't this sound like a conflict of interest? Parents are required on a daily basis to make tough family decisions---decisions that might sound too harsh for a child. Communications is critical to any sustaining family; however, adults must focus on the long-term effects of a decision as well as the short-term consequences. However, what is more important? We must get back to the basics. Obtain for guidance from our wise seniors. Today, we have more education and material things than generations of the past. However, I would ask this question of you, "How could people with so little give so much, while we with so much, give so little." We must come together as a nation and set high standards for all children. And yes, we adults must shoulder the burden of setting good examples. If we fail at so great a commission, we will get our just rewards. And maybe, lose the next generation of leaders. Lead your family with focus. Set the standards. Start today!

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วันอังคารที่ 15 มิถุนายน พ.ศ. 2553

How to Rid Yourself of this "Family Dysfunctional" Curse - FamilyVision Column

"Who's your daddy?" screams the angry woman to the little girl standing on the porch. The little girl's mother comes out of the house waving a frying pan and letting loose curse words. A shouting match takes place between the women. You can hear the yelling and see the fighting. A policeman arrives to deal with this domestic disturbance. He separates the two ladies and learns these two are dating the same man. No one is happy.

Don't allow yourself to be held captive by a negative vibe in your family. There is no perfect family (if you are honest, there's probably some dysfunctional behavior in your family tree). Confusion can destroy a close-knit family. In this situation, the word "family" primarily refers to your extended relatives (brother, sister, aunt, cousin, etc.). Communication usually breaks down--feelings get hurt. Disharmony can happen to any family. How does it get started? It can be created either by individual choices or by the decisions of others. You can see it created through many ways: selfish sibling, drugs taking control, dependent relatives, money-stricken friends, or toxic relationships. Can you think of others?

Many issues can cause family confusion. Many people tend to react to their gut feeling without thinking through the consequences. Don't believe these personal decisions only impact you. No, short-term choices can leave a legacy of total disasters. Do you need examples? Take someone else's loved one? Threaten to kill someone? We live in a society where no one wants to wait and develop a real relationship. People prefer to generate quick "soap opera" relationships to shield their insecurities. There are impacts. For example, Derrick Thomas, former Kansas City Chief linebacker, was a football hero with fame, money, and power. He died on February 8, 2000, from injuries suffered in auto accident. He probably hoped to leave fans a legacy of outstanding memories, but the reality is Derrick's leaving the public another American tragedy. He left seven children from five different women and no will. While Derrick earned more than $30 million in his football career, it is expected the children will split several hundred thousand dollars once the estate is settled. What kind of situation does this leave the family? Will there be chaos in the family? Each of us must realize that our choices not only can hurt us, but our loved ones also.

Do you know someone in your family who creates disharmony? A small dose of confusion can spread like a wild fire in a family. You can always find at least one person looking to generate "mess" in a family. What will start it this time? Family property? Money? This person will not let the problem die down; he is not content until there is a big explosion. The results are generally not positive. In our own family, we have seen family members fight over property. There is generally lots of anger and hurt feelings. Often kids are caught in the middle, left to carry on this confusion (even when they don't understand the cause). While many involved in these types of situations are left empty, some people thrive on this negative energy and seem to get enjoyment from it (the more trouble, the better). They celebrate disharmony. We call these folks "troublemakers" or "instigators." Here are some suggestions for improving these situations:

· Recognize the potential problem.

· Deal with the problem immediately. Don't wait.

· Determine the root cause. What is the situation about?

· Determine who really needs to get involved.

· Find common ground and create a win-win situation,if any.

· Keep your cool.

Building a strong family bond takes commitment. It's easy to get sidetracked by "he said, she said" ordeals. It takes courage to look beyond the surface problems to determine the real root cause. You have to be stern in your beliefs...and committed. You need to focus on what's critical for your family. Make every attempt to live at peace with everyone. Determine to make yourself a peacemaker and don't allow yourself to be conquered by negativism. Stand Tall. Embrace your relatives with positive vibes. Allow them to feel the harmony. Start today!

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